极端

一位曾在不久前投诉我的工作态度散漫的同事在读了我的blog 后，写了一段留言给我：–

The guy whom bug u about submission form was xx right? Don’t worry about him, he’s like that! Never put that incident in ur heart and just keep moving on. I’m kinda interested to meet with the old you. Wonder how ur work will be at that time. U just need to be more confident on urself. To me, an over confident person is better than someone without confident at all! Of course being in the middle is the best. Being an engineer, u need to have sufficient confident. There r certain things u need to make ur own decision. Perhaps u r not up to that position yet. But u can start from now. Like Mr. Confucius says: journey of a thousand miles start with a single step. U already reached 500 miles, but now u decided to walk backwards because of someone used to be special to u. Not worth it my friend. 500 miles is not a short journey. U walk another 500 miles backwards, u reach the starting point. U continue ur journey another 500 miles, u reach ur goal. Both also 500 miles, y not move towards ur goal? To survive in gamuda, being ur old self would be easier. This is just a suggestion. So u’ll be having ur break end of this week. Spend ur time wisely. Spend some time to think about urself again. What u want in life. How were u been treated last time, before u make the change, and how r u been treated now. Talk to urself. It worked for me, not sure whether for u. This is some of advice. Not sure whether they r a good one, but i’m sure it’s not a bad one.  

其实

我知道的

我从某个极端

走向另一个极端了

 

从自信满满

变成极度自卑

从要求完美

变成毫无要求

 

上天应该对我开了一个玩笑

我竟然变成一个 以前的我最讨厌的角色了

凡事只求及格就好

做事马马虎虎

态度散漫

不思进取

得过且过

并且用尽一切力气来逃避

逃避加班

逃避选择

逃避应负的责任

虽然

我都能解读同事与上司们不满的嘴脸

那再熟悉不过的嘴脸

因为我也曾经演绎过那种嘴脸

 

生活变得如此轻松

毫无压力

我不再失眠了

我不再发恶梦了

我还以为

我已经是个开心的平凡人了

虽然

我还是会怀念以前的我

那个是high achiever 的我

 

但是

当我知道我只值47分时

我还是哭了

一半都不到的分数

好难过

心在绞

 

我才知道

原来这两个月来

我都在伪装自己

我从来都是那么的不甘平凡

但我真的不想做回从前的我了

我真的由衷的厌恶

那个自大自私

很令某人讨厌

很令人唾弃的我

 

我说过

我一定要脱胎换骨

我一定要粉碎自大

我一定要绞死自私

我一定要驯服脾气

我真的很努力地在改进了

真的

真的

 

无奈

以前的我还是不肯放生我

不肯让我选择另一个极端

因为

我还是哭了。。。

My driving skill and sense of direction

I’d say, my driving skill and sense of direction are just like shit… no, it’s SHITsssss! I’m just so clumsy when it comes to driving a car…Please put all the following into a picture, and judge me for yourself, whether they are like shit, or shitS or shitSs or … (please janjang arimetik the “S” yourself):-  

·        Before I really get to drive this often, I’ve actually forgotten which one is the accelerator and which one is the brake pedal…  

·        My 2^nd time driving a manual car after getting my license was actually 3 days before I started working (1^st time was during my 5 hours refreshing-lessons with an instructor). I drove my dad’s old version punya Toyota Land Cruiser all the way from KUiTTHO to Seremban. My dad actually requested to let him drive from Seremban onwards.

My dad: It’s much more tiring to supervise you driving then I drive myself!

My mom: Hoo… finally, I can rest! I had my heart in my mouth when you drove just now…  

·        After bringing me to the sites for a few times, my supervisor’s expecting me to go to the sites alone. My response to him was: “Sorry, xx, but I still do not quite remember the routes to those sites…” Then, he showed me around the sites for the very last time and I actually drew myself a map already. But the next day, when I had to drive to the sites, I did not know what I was drawing…  

·        The most adventurous experience along my training was the day when my supervisor asking me to drive the company’s manual pool car to the site alone, because his car’s too packed. That’s my 1^st time driving a manual car without supervision. I really sweated profusely for having to take care of the gear, traffic around me and the direction all at one time! My supervisor then instructed me to stop my car by one of the sites and jumped into his Jimny, “Samantha, I really don’t trust your driving skill…”  

·        Normally I’ll drive to work around 6.30 am. One day, I received a call from my mom while I was driving, about 2 km away from home. “Ying, why didn’t you on the lights of the car?!!!” She’s almost shouting at me that time, then only I realized that I forgot to on the lights even though I was driving in the dark…

  ·        When 1 of my best friends currently studying in UK knew that I drove all the way to pay her mom and brother a visit, her response was: Glad that you can drive safely. Blessed KL!  

·        The road widening works at one of the project sites involve cutting down trees of another party and the company is giving us hard time by demanding for unreasonable high compensation. During an internal meeting, the senior engineer actually suggested this to the project manager, “Well, if they are still unhappy with what we offer, maybe we can ask Samantha to drive there and knock the trees down.” My face really blushed as red as peony, even though I know he’s just joking… (maybe I should jot this down inside the minute of meeting, my contribution to the project le… =p)  

But after becoming the driver to send Sue Cing, Chai Yee and Wei Chern to Port Klang, Sue Cing really did my heart good to thank me for being a safe driver and commented that I’M BETTER THAN I CLAIM wo! Hehe! I got my self-esteem back!

Laughter, the best medicine: Part 2

Here comes the Part 2 about funny jokes made by a funny character working for SMART project…  

One day, 4 of us were discussing the meaning of 老鼠爱大米. They were actually throwing the question towards me since I’m the only one Chinese educated among them. If I translate the sentence literally, it would be: Loving you is like the mice loving the rice.  

“Rice? Why rice? I thought mice like cheese? They never watched Tom and Jerry one meh?”

“Oh! They are Chinese mice mah, Chinese mice love rice.”

“Haha! Oh ya! Only western mice love cheese.”

“No, I don’t think so. I think Chinese mice love rubbish…”

“Oh! I don’t know what will happen if I were to tell this to a girl: xx, loving you, is like the mice loving the rubbish…”  

One day, after lunch, we received an email from this siao guy which entitled “suspect has arrived!” The message body looked like this:  

All units ready!

Suspect has arrived!

Suspect has arrived!

Do not shoot until further instruction given!

I repeat, do not shoot!  

Before proceeding to view the attachment, I first thought it’s a game. But when I launched the attachment, I couldn’t stop laughing; it’s one of our colleagues’ photo… (and that he actually has to treat the colleague lunch in order to calm her anger, for distributing around the email with her photo…)  

So, I replied to his email: Sorry, Sarjan! I’m 5354, I ter’shoot the suspect…

Since then, besides 5354, we have “OFFICERS” with the batch numbers of 9394 and 69694, lots more coming up I guess…

 

To be continued…

i had a bad day

4^th July 2006 marks another milestone in my life: I cried in the office for the very first time, kena bullied. When I was rushing updating the status report for June, the xx manager came to my table, threw the submission form on my desktop, which was prepared by me few days ago (My supervisor instructed me to prepare), using a very unfriendly tone, with annoyed face, said this, “This is my last time telling you, in future, no forms will be submitted using your name! You are not in the organization chart, you get me?!”  

My instant “bisikan hati” was like: what the heck? It was my supervisor’s instruction to submit the form together with the inspection and test plan to the consultant! If you are not happy with this, you should approach my immediate superior or even the project manager, not me I guess… Just don’t act if you are so great in front of me…  

Actually this was not the 1^st time that this bastard bugged me with his nuisance accuses. I was so pestered, really not feeling like entertaining him AT ALL. I just raised my eyelids a bit and “jelling” him and replied with mono-tone, “Ok…” And then I just ignored him and resumed updating the status report. Siapa tau, he got pissed off, and banged on my table and shouted at me, “When people talking to you, you listen!” He then went off. I was really shocked by the sudden bang. I was ok, until Ah Pui and Hung Mun came over to my place. My tears streamed down without me knowing it… then I sobbed and then I burst into tears and cried aloud as more and more people came to my place to comfort me.  

I asked myself: Why did you cry?

The answers:

·            I’m so right and yet the bastard is so wrong, BUT I can’t fight back, what I can do when he humiliated me is to keep quiet, keep calm, can’t even raise my voice, I CAN DO NOTHING! What have I done wrong that I have to bear with this kind of humiliation?

·            Recently, I always have the feeling of inferiority… in terms of appearance, knowledge, English proficiency, family background and etc. and etc, just name it… A bunch of people tend to bully me using their seniority… and to my disappointment, I found out a fact: (you people out there, be frank, it’s true, right?) hot chicks receive better treatment than I do… much better treatment, you know? I just feel so bad about myself… (there’s one “Plastic Surgery George” near my office, sometimes really feel on an impulse to go and check out the price =p) 

I’m really out of spirits and dishearten nowadays, wonder where all my kiasu-ness and hyper-activeness have gone…

Laughter, the best medicine: Part 1

I’ve promised a senior to develop one of his jokes into words and paragraphs. But on second thought, I think it would be better to write about all his funny actions… 

One day, this senior brought me out to the south ingress/egress of the SMART tunnel (along kl-seremban highway) for final structural inspection. When he drove, he suddenly stopped his car by one of the empty toll booths (no one there, the tunnel is not opened for access yet, remember?), then wound down the window, did as if he was paying the toll and then he even waved at the toll collector (as if there was really one there…). I laughed like hell seeing this scene, he said, “What? I’m trying to test the booth!” Later when we passed by the next toll booth, I thought he was going to do the same thing again, but he did not, he just drove through. He asked, “Do you know why I can drive through this time? It is because I’m using SMART tag!”  

During the drive, I complained that his Jimny was really noisy, like driving a lorry. He then started to tell this joke:-

One day, xx calls his boss, “Sorry, boss! I think I can’t attend the meeting, cuz my car just broke off…”

“Are you sure?! Or you are not using the correct English? Your car broke down, didn’t it?”

“Really la, boss! You can come and see…”

(Please imagine the following picture: when the boss comes, he sees you still on your driving seat, with your safety belt on, and your hands are still on the steering wheel, JUST THE STEERING WHEEL, and JUST THE SEAT, WITHOUT THE REST OF THE CAR COMPONENTS…)  

On another day, we were chitchatting about TaeKwon-Do. I mentioned I got robbed once in Johor Jaya, one of the robbers was armed with parang. He then said, “Hey! You know TaeKwon-Do right? Why didn’t you fight with the robbers and get your things back?” “Walao! Then what if the fella chops me using his parang?!” “You can always guard yourself with the UPPER HAND BLOCK ma!” (for information: if someone is trying to chop you using a parang, and you block it using UPPER HAND BLOCK, for sure you are going to lose your hand….)  

To be continued…

我记得

这是一篇rojak般的blog, 半咸不淡的。。。  

在某日，当某事已成过去时，我为自己造了一扇 “memories tight door”, 以防止某些即甜亦苦的回忆seep through…最近，某人对我做的某事，唤醒了我某些被封印的感觉。 这久违的感觉就像病毒，瘫痪了所有的系统，也让那扇 “memories tight door”完全失灵，导致思绪四面八方地涌入，更启动了secondary protection system, 泪腺。。。  

我记得，Odocoileus virginianus曾经有好几次紧张兮兮地，在工作时间拨电给我。“我要去启动switch了…bye bye…” 莫名其妙的一通电话，当我还未从错愕中醒过来，又接到Odocoileus virginianus的来电，“哇！好险！好在没被电死，不然就没有机会再与你见面了。。。” 当时，心里是甜甜的，这傻子在生死关头还会惦记着这么一个我。 

我记得，Odocoileus virginianus总是口硬心软。。。

我曾说: “Odocoileus virginianus, 买一个抱枕给我，好吗？”

“Odocoileus virginianus，我看中了一件2-piece泳衣！旧的得换新了。”

“Odocoileus virginianus， 我们什么时候可以一起去旅行？”

Odocoileus virginianus的反应总是把我给臭骂一顿。

“有那么多的枕头了，还要什么抱枕？”
“旧的泳衣还能穿，干嘛又要买新的？”
“整天想着玩，我不用工作吗？”
被骂的我，而且还是被一个我希望他可以很疼我的人骂，我当然会不高兴。身为一个任性的大烂人，我通常都会摆一副臭脸，无声抗议。。。

我记得，Odocoileus virginianus之后还是买了一个抱枕给我。。。

“好了，你有抱枕了，不要再说睡不着了，也不须要再抱我了。。。”
我记得，Odocoileus virginianus之后还是偷偷地买了一套泳衣给我。收到这份圣诞礼物时，我才恍然大悟：原来Odocoileus virginianus 之前百般阻扰，不让我买泳衣，是因为他要买给我。。。

我记得，Odocoileus virginianus之后在没有事前通知的情况下，把我给掳去了Genting Highland和马六甲。“你不是说没人肯带你上赌场，还没尝试过鸡粒饭吗？这就带你去。”

我记得，我当时除了觉得甜蜜，也觉得愧疚，我错怪了Odocoileus virginianus。。。他就是这样，总是不想让我看透他到底在想什么。  

我记得，我第一次惹Odocoileus virginianus生气时，他并没有骂我，他在用很温柔的语气在教训我的当儿，也用他那厚实的手紧握着我的手。。。  

我记得，我总爱把玩Odocoileus virginianus的发尾、耳珠、脸颊。总爱亲近他，嗅他身上独有的气息。总爱在冷天，贴近他取暖，或把手放入他的裤袋里。总爱在想念Odocoileus virginianus时，很大声地对着电话另一端的他，说，“Odocoileus virginianus，我好想念你噢！”  

还有好多、好多的我记得。。。我记得，我还记得，我都还记得，我都还清楚地记得。。。这些很美好、很甜蜜的回忆。

可是Odocoileus virginianus记得吗？Odocoileus virginianus还记得吗？Odocoileus virginianus都还记得吗？Odocoileus virginianus都还清楚地记得吗?  

我所记得的Odocoileus virginianus 是一个那么令我依恋与依赖的Odocoileus virginianus 。。。我记得，曾经，每当我想起Odocoileus virginianus对我的好、对我的疼惜、对我的包容、对我的支持，我都会发出会心的微笑，都会庆幸上天的安排：让我们相遇、相识和相爱。 但是我也记得，到了最后，我们俩都变得很丑陋、很狰狞，彼此变得那样的陌生，仿佛我所记得的都只是幻像。。。我开始觉得矛盾：我该庆幸我都还记得，亦或我该选择不要再记得呢？

失灵的memories tight door也是时候关上了，思绪和泪水已经严重地泛滥成灾。。。