Archive for the 'Sentimentalism' Category

Emptiness

Goodbye, Alicia!

Goodbye, Alicia!

Emptiness is what you feel after watching the finale of the last season of your favorite series.

Double emptiness is when you have finished re-watching the whole 7 seasons, realizing that the show is really coming to an end, that you have invested too much in the show’s characters, plots, acting and wardrobes. Look around and you haven’t found another show that is as good to your liking. Feeling the void of emptiness while persuading myself to move on is just too much pain 😦

突然感触之思念想念的出口

当你想念或思念某人,你会怎么做?

While I was driving to work just now, radio was playing Raya songs non-stop, I paused for a bit, thinking: this time last year, I visited coach, in his sick bed. 想到教练已经离开快一年了,我的心沉了一下。对教练的思念,我从这物质世界抽身几分钟,好好地缅怀有他的画面。

如果把想念之情直接了当地告诉当事人后,得知我的想念是双向的,又或者我的想念为当事人带来暖意,即使微不足道,那,想念就是找到了出口,那绝对是一种身心舒泰的感觉。

miss5

miss1

miss6

出口,想念的出口

但是想念也会有阻塞、吃闭门羹的时候。就是有这么一种人,会对你的存在、你对他的殷勤嗤之以鼻。想念之情宣泄不了之余,也得不到最起码的尊重,何等泄气!

The chronicle of a 花痴: sentiment!

sherlocked

不以为意的举动

造就心中不断扩张的暖意

暂别没人了解我深情痴情多愁善感的空虚

剧终人散

空虚还是有待填补

突然感触之爱情憧憬

猫说:“我喜欢你,但这感觉不是双向的,不用紧。我会伤心,这是正常的,但是这伤心会随着时间流逝的,我不会因为这样而废寝忘食的。” 猫的逻辑还认为,这只是喜欢,只是憧憬,跟爱,还有一段距离。对猫来说,爱的层次是不一样的。

love

猫的喜欢是虚无缥缈的。可以是文章所说的多看一眼的冲动、突然的思念、刹那的共鸣、短暂的互相扶持、同病相怜、莫名的依赖、又或者是一时的感动。

猫的爱却是执着的:选你所爱,爱你所选,选了,就要用心去爱。

K 的一番窝心的见解:

We, girls, become very beautiful when we are in love. I used to brush up myself, talk well, behave well, eat well, live well so that the person whom I like will look at me or just simply want to do all these because I feel good 🙂

还是单身的朋友,在日复一日的生活里,有憧憬,总比没有,来的强吧!:)

突然感触之思想狭隘

我最近中了梁文道的毒。读多了,强烈地感受到我那沉睡的中文底蕴好似要苏醒过来了!呵呵!这应该算是件喜事!但是, 读多了,也带来坏事。。。我也强烈地感受到我汹涌澎湃的思绪!:p

我在想:当时事评论员真过瘾!他们只须批评,并不用提成实际的解决方案。试想想,在现实生活当中,如果我遇到一个凡事都诸多批评、诸多不满、诸多挑剔、诸多意见的人,我一定会将他归类为面·目·可·憎。

很不幸的,我觉得我今天面目可憎了。。。 哈哈!午餐时和同事因为思想的分歧,辩论得面红耳赤。同事认为:“有刺青者,皆非善类。如果有朝一日,我当了老板,我一定不会雇用有刺青者。”我反问:“那无刺青者皆善类不成?!一个有本事、善良的人,就因为弄了个刺青,他就突然没本事、不善良了?!”

本小姐非常不能忍受狭隘思维:-

–          女生一定要留长发

–          同性恋是罪不可赦

–          去大学上课一定不可以穿便服

–          一定要在30岁前事业有成,结婚生子

–          女生无才便是得 ,嫁人最实际

–          长子嫡孙背负着最多家族使命

我其实提醒过自己的:口舌之争,赢了又何喜,输了更可悲! 还有,我也抵触了我要修成的大智慧:我感受到,但是我不受影响。I feel it, but it won’t affect me. 无奈,我还是破戒了!

我说我面目可憎,因为即使同事是思想狭隘,又如何?我的恶性反应不也表示我也是思想狭隘了吗?当别人不认同自己,就很惯性地想要辩驳、批评、迫不及待地想要将自己的我思我想给灌注在别人身上,这很劣根叻!“我感受到,但是我不受影响。”真是一门大学问,我得继续修行!

我要再次提醒自己:no judging!

judge

突然感触之人生无常

每个人难逃一死。至亲的离世,你会希望他是经历了病魔的折腾,让身边人循序渐进地彩排永诀的痛; 还是毫无预警就骤然离世。。。哪一个痛的层次,会比较轻?会比较容易让人承受?

卑微

虽非明白坦荡

没能知每日音讯

亦是从心!

同在一个烈空下。。。

同在一个烈空下

*Updates*

宫二在”一代宗师”里说的一番话,让我感触了!有共鸣!

我心里有过你

我把这话告诉你也没什么

喜欢人不犯法

可我也只能到喜欢为止了

假使我有一天堕落

我们都背负着无数无形的枷锁。道德的、礼教的、社会的、知识和哲理所带来的、自己面子的, 一层又一层的束缚。从小,我们就被洗脑了:我们得做个有用的人,要对社会有贡献!这样做不对、那样做不好。有时候,我在想:做个有用的人和做个好人挺累的!

什么是堕落?亦舒在《假使苏西堕落》里写道:触犯法律,也就是堕落了。吸毒呢?自杀呢?别担心,虽无一定准绳,社会总有公论。

假使我有一天堕落,在不伤害自己和他人的大前提下,我。。。

要尽情地享受男欢女爱! 社会公论:你看那婊子!

要以云游四海为正业!要看尽天下的美景、尝尽天下的美食、看尽天下的俊男!没钱了,停下来赚钱,最好是那种不用用脑的工作 (哈哈!)。赚够了盘川,继续上路!社会公论:你会晚年凄凉吧。。。父母还要你供养呢!

要敢怒敢言!社会公论:EQ真差!口无遮拦!

总之我要随心所欲!

噢! 我又想太多了!白日梦破灭,回到现实,让我把层层的枷锁给套回去!

Passion, Pride and Purpose

Sorry, Sue! I steal your title!

Sue says, when I share something, the sharing sure ends with a conclusion. No, no conclusion this time, I still could not grasp the bigger picture. To be frank, I’m quite confused (haha!) I received advices from two extremes actually. I am still doing reading about these topics. I just want to record the random thoughts that come to me when I think along the title of this post as well as the advices that I get every now and then. I will append updates to this post as this goes on 🙂

Someone who used to be special to me once said, “You try everything too hard. I do not want a life like you!” Such a damaging and yet thought-provoking statement: it devoured me, but at the same time it kind of enlightened me.

I went on a cell retreat with my cell group members. During the group praying session, one of the members received a vision. She saw me opening up my palms as a gesture to receive the sand-like thingy falling from the sky but god is speaking in the background, “How are you going to receive what I’m about to give you, when your hands are already full? Just let go!”

Another cell member also said after the girl, that he heard whisper while he was praying for me, which said “let go”.

Hmm… So it’s about letting go and being empty inside…

Then came the next morning when we had morning devotion. The cell leader asked the whole group to pray for me again. While they were praying, my tears just kept streaming down. After they prayed, the leader asked me to speak my prayer to god aloud. Before I did that, I was calm and had stopped weeping. But, when I said the prayer, I cried aloud again. I said, “Heavenly father, please continue the work that you have initiated in me, let me be a better person every day. And I want to be happy again and I want my good qualities within me to shine again.”

You know what? My prayer rendered all cell members in tears! The power of religion?

At the end of the session, cell leader reminded me, “Just surrender yourself fully, Sam, god’s in control. Stop striving so much and stop trying to be in control for your life.”

Somehow, I find the stop striving part is a two-edged sword.

I look back into my past:  I do have passions, but they are always very short-lived. I am very goal-orientated, if I manage to find myself goals that is. When there’s a goal for me, I always go all out. Even if the goal seems impossible, I would just be so fueled by my so-called passion: full of energy, full of motivation, almost unstoppable. That was when I decided I wanted to graduate with first class for my undergraduate studies and I wanted to win one of the royal awards. That was when I decided that I wanted to win a gold medal in Malaysian Universities Games. That was when I decided I wanted to be promoted to the next level of corporate ladder in every 2 years. That was when I decided I wanted to pursue masters overseas. That was when I decided I wanted to graduate with first class for my masters despite falling-into-the-worst-shit-hole-in-my-life.

Xwei, who is an actuary, told me one day, “Lu, I want to change job. I want a job, which can contribute to the community.”

“I thought every job does that?”

“No, I am just making money for my company, not the greater community.”

This conversation gave me something to think about PRIDE. I like being an engineer. It gives me great satisfaction to be able to be a part of the country’s infrastructure development. BUT, what if I feel I am not cut out for being an engineer?

**********

Can passion, pride and purpose coexist? Can passion coincide with talent?

*to be continued* 🙂

那一天,我认识了死亡

生老病死。外公的离世,是我人生见证的第一个死亡。同样的感受和感想,我在小二的时候(8岁)在我的功课,“每周新闻”里记述过。小二,所认识的词汇实在不多,但是老师给我那篇作文 的评语是“文笔感人”,她还打了3三颗星星。时过境迁,我对那天所发生的事和物,却还记忆犹新。许久没写中文长篇了,希望别词不达意。:)

那是一个星期六。那个年纪,一个星期有7天,我最喜欢星期六:电视播特多的卡通片!我醒来了,在刷牙。因为中风而半身不遂的外公就坐在饭桌前;外婆在厨房,忙着准备早餐。我背向着外公,通过镜子,我一边刷牙,一边与他抬扛。

印象中的外公,重男轻女,而且非常的嘴贫,总是爱说些有的没的来气怒我,让我举例:“哎哟!莹今天这么惨啊?吃饭而已?没有KFC哦?”我总是爱反驳他,有时实在是词穷的时候,我就会用怒目瞪他。

我刷我的牙,外公继续他对我的调侃。比我年幼6年的阿妹不久后也醒了,外公很兴奋地逗她玩。我又纳罕了:对我那么坏,对阿妹就这么慈爱!我还在刷牙,刷着刷着,我灵魂出了窍,思绪去了老远。

妈妈的喊叫声把我的思绪拉回现实:“怎么爸爸昏了过去?!!阿婶,快来!”外婆吓着了,从厨房冲出来,大声喊道:“老的!你别吓我!别吓我!你不要丢下我啊!”我还在刷牙,这些情景,都是从镜子的倒影看到的。失去知觉的外公,头歪在一边,脸色慈祥。我还留意到地上有一滩尿迹,罕有的清澈。看着这一切,我的眼泪像断了线的珍珠,不断地在流。我还是小二,对死亡真的完全没有概念,但是我有种预感:这,应该就是它了。。。人们常说的,血浓于水,指的就是这样吧:我对外公虽然不算亲厚,但是生死离别的痛,还是扎到我了。

家里的大人忙成了一团。我静静地在一旁,观察,细心地记下每一个场景。眼泪,依然在流。妈妈一面哭,一面打电话通知其他的阿姨们,已经泣不成声。医生来了,宣告外公的死亡。妈妈和外婆开始号啕,我的眼泪也流得更凶。大人们不让我靠近外公,我只能在门外瞻望:哦,外公的脚板开始发黑了。

早上9点,外婆哭累了,坐在客厅的沙发上抽泣和整顿思绪。我走到电视跟前,想要看卡通。外婆说,“莹,乖,今天别开电视了。”我乖巧地点了点头。

人们说,人之将死,他们会有预感的。巧的是,外公嘱咐我的两个舅舅在那天去探望外公。这两个舅舅很没心肝的,好久没来嘘寒问暖了。 可惜,舅舅们来迟了,外公已经在另一个国度。他们到达的时候,依照习俗,跪爬着进门,都在使劲地哭。我也哭。

我所记得的情景,跳到了外公入棺。虽然被禁止靠近棺木,我还是偷偷地去瞻望了外公的遗容:他穿着寿衣,面目开始浮肿和泛着紫黑,躺在干冰之上。晚上,我带着淡淡的不安入睡:外公生前那么爱作弄我,他的魂不会来找我吧?


I spot you, creativity!

Series #9 Light bulb reuse!

Reflection of the day

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 43 other followers

Inside the glass bottle…

“I want to walk tall, believe in myself, have the courage to ask for what I want and need, and live a life that mattered. I want to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and know that I am loved and that I belonged. I am desperate to feel worthy and I am hungry for the opportunity to live my fullest potential.” - modified from "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers" - Debbie Ford

Under the apple tree…

"If you are not spending all of your waking life in discontent, worry, anxiety, depression, despair, or consumed by other negative states; if you are able to enjoy simple things like listening to the sound of the rain or the wind; if you can see the beauty of clouds moving across the sky or be alone at times without feeling lonely or needing the mental stimulus of entertainment; if you find yourself treating a complete stranger with heartfelt kindness without wanting anything from him or her... it means that a space has opened up, no matter how briefly, in the otherwise incessant stream of thinking that is the human mind." - A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle

Blog Stats since Dec 2010

  • 52,068 hits

Ich lese….

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The time keeper by Mitch Albom

The art of thinking clearly by Rolf Dobelli

The first phone call from heaven by Mitch Albom

Inferno by Dan Brown

For one more day by Mitch Albom

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

A study in scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown

The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom

Have a little faith by Mitch Albom

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

To kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge

Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

A Fresh Start by John Chapman

Inspiring quotes!

If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other? (God in "Evan Almighthy")
“To love another person is to see the face of God.” ― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” -Mark Twain
Aggie: "But what about the people who hurt you? Don't you ever want to make them suffer?" Norman Babcock: "Well, yeah, but what good would that do? You think just because there's bad people that there's no good ones either? I thought the same thing for a while. But there's always someone out there for you. Somewhere." - Paranorman
"机遇总是偏爱有准备的人"
“You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.” by Walter Hagen
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, body totally worn out and screaming "WOOOHOOOO what a ride!" - by anonymous
When you travel, it’s not like you take a part of each place away with you; rather, it’s as if you leave a part of yourself there, like a part of you forever belongs to that place – the time, the people, and the things you saw; and over time, it gets burned deeper into your soul - by anonymous