极端

一位曾在不久前投诉我的工作态度散漫的同事在读了我的blog 后,写了一段留言给我:

The guy whom bug u about submission form was xx right? Don’t worry about him, he’s like that! Never put that incident in ur heart and just keep moving on. I’m kinda interested to meet with the old you. Wonder how ur work will be at that time. U just need to be more confident on urself. To me, an over confident person is better than someone without confident at all! Of course being in the middle is the best. Being an engineer, u need to have sufficient confident. There r certain things u need to make ur own decision. Perhaps u r not up to that position yet. But u can start from now. Like Mr. Confucius says: journey of a thousand miles start with a single step. U already reached 500 miles, but now u decided to walk backwards because of someone used to be special to u. Not worth it my friend. 500 miles is not a short journey. U walk another 500 miles backwards, u reach the starting point. U continue ur journey another 500 miles, u reach ur goal. Both also 500 miles, y not move towards ur goal? To survive in gamuda, being ur old self would be easier. This is just a suggestion. So u’ll be having ur break end of this week. Spend ur time wisely. Spend some time to think about urself again. What u want in life. How were u been treated last time, before u make the change, and how r u been treated now. Talk to urself. It worked for me, not sure whether for u. This is some of advice. Not sure whether they r a good one, but i’m sure it’s not a bad one.  

其实

我知道的

我从某个极端

走向另一个极端了

 

从自信满满

变成极度自卑

从要求完美

变成毫无要求

 

上天应该对我开了一个玩笑

我竟然变成一个 以前的我最讨厌的角色了

凡事只求及格就好

做事马马虎虎

态度散漫

不思进取

得过且过

并且用尽一切力气来逃避

逃避加班

逃避选择

逃避应负的责任

虽然

我都能解读同事与上司们不满的嘴脸

那再熟悉不过的嘴脸

因为我也曾经演绎过那种嘴脸

 

生活变得如此轻松

毫无压力

我不再失眠了

我不再发恶梦了

我还以为

我已经是个开心的平凡人了

虽然

我还是会怀念以前的我

那个是high achiever 的我

 

但是

当我知道我只值47分时

我还是哭了

一半都不到的分数

好难过

心在绞

 

我才知道

原来这两个月来

我都在伪装自己

我从来都是那么的不甘平凡

但我真的不想做回从前的我了

我真的由衷的厌恶

那个自大自私

很令某人讨厌

很令人唾弃的我

 

我说过

我一定要脱胎换骨

我一定要粉碎自大

我一定要绞死自私

我一定要驯服脾气

我真的很努力地在改进了

真的

真的

 

无奈

以前的我还是不肯放生我

不肯让我选择另一个极端

因为

我还是哭了。。。

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1 Response to “极端”


  1. 1 Kathleen August 11, 2006 at 12:33 am

    我好像也走向另一个极端了….逃避责任,与世无争?其实我什么都懒得理了…..现在的我,也不知道是怎么了……当生活失去了目标,什么都提不起劲了。。。希望我们能再找到一个平衡点。。。。


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